What would you say is the biggest component to anger? I think it is fear. Fear we will not be loved, we will not have enough money, friends, food, or clothes. Fear we are not smart enough, beautiful enough, or athletic enough. Do we read the right books, see the right movies, have the right sense of humor? Do we date the right people, are we part of a “certain” crowd, or think we are socially “inept”? Basically, we are often afraid we are just not good enough. Of course, this is not true. Each of us is good enough just as we are. Much of the time, however, it is hard to accept that premise. We want to be popular, rich, well dressed, witty, etc., because then we believe we will be accepted. Ultimately, we need to accept ourselves.
Remember no one is accepted by everyone. Unfortunately, most of us look outside ourselves for our worth. To think we can only be happy if others accept us is an unrealistic belief. We think it would be wonderful if we did everything exactly “right” and everyone thought we were great. We’ve been programmed to “measure up” to family members, friends, teachers, bosses, or society in so many ways from birth. Inevitably, we can’t, or we don’t. It is then that the fear starts to show. It may manifest as anger, depression (anger turned inward), anxiety, intense stress, or some sort of pathology. Why do we do that to ourselves?
We have an obligation to ourselves to lead a happy and productive life on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. We should not be convinced otherwise. This is not selfishness. We are social beings, so narcissism is not allowed. But if we believe in, accept, and are happy with ourselves, we will not need anyone else to provide us worth. We should be able to provide all we need. The more worthy we feel within, the less we fear, and consequently, the less anger we experience.
So what’s the solution? Taking one moment at a time and loving ourselves for who we are. Accepting ourselves in this moment and the next, and the next… We are good enough just as we are right now. If we notice it’s necessary, we should try to improve ourselves. But the past is done and gone. Let it go. The future will never be here in this moment, so let’s do what we can now to ensure a positive one.
Does that mean we will never get angry? I doubt it. But, look at this anger in terms of what it means. Is it helpful to us or our combatants? Probably not. Is it satisfying or does it make us feel good? Possibly, in the moment, but over time, how does it impact our lives? (Plan for the future!) Anger is a dark emotion. Controlling, or eliminating it helps us feel lighter, happier, and more accepting of ourselves and others. When it arises, let’s take time to evaluate it, be conscious of its impact, and then look for alternatives. Not only will we improve our own lives, but we will also contribute more positively to others, society, and our planet. Can we do everyone a favor and take this third Reiki Principle to heart: “Just for today, I will not be angry.” ? It may be difficult, but the rewards are enormous and life-changing.